Let’s get real for a second — infertility is brutal. It’s not just about trying to conceive; it’s about navigating a deeply personal loss that happens over and over again. Every month that ends in disappointment chips away at hope, and slowly, painfully, it can wear you down — emotionally, physically, and mentally.

What makes it even harder? The silence.

Infertility often happens in private, behind closed doors, with very few people really understanding the weight of what you’re carrying. The world keeps spinning while you quietly endure cycle tracking, hormone injections, negative pregnancy tests, and invasive medical procedures.

But here’s the thing: infertility isn’t just a physical struggle. It’s a mental health issue. Studies show that women experiencing infertility often report levels of anxiety and depression comparable to those facing cancer or heart disease. Yet, this emotional toll is rarely talked about with the same seriousness.

woman sitting along by the water

What infertility depression can look like

Infertility-related depression doesn’t always show up in obvious ways. It’s not just sobbing over a negative test (although that happens too). Because infertility is so complex and personal, many people become skilled at hiding their pain — even from themselves.

Here are some signs of depression that can often fly under the radar:

  • Emotional numbness or detachment: Instead of sadness, you may feel flat or disconnected. It can look like “coping” on the outside, but inside it may feel like emotional shutdown.
  • Increased irritability or anger: Quick temper, resentment, or frustration — especially when triggered by insensitive comments or pregnancy news — can mask deeper pain.
  • Social withdrawal: Avoiding baby showers, skipping family gatherings, or unfollowing friends with kids might seem like self-isolation, but it’s often a protective response to emotional overwhelm.
  • Changes in sleep or appetite: Struggling to fall asleep, oversleeping, or changes in eating habits might get brushed off as stress, but when these changes persist, they can point to underlying depression.
  • Over-functioning or perfectionism: Throwing yourself into work or routines might look like productivity, but it can be a way to stay distracted from grief.
  • Internalized shame or self-blame: Believing you’re “broken” or that your body is failing you — even when logically you know that infertility isn’t your fault — is a heavy, silent burden many carry.

two people comforting each other

The emotional toll of trying again and again

Every cycle brings new hope, and when that hope is dashed, it’s another emotional blow. The rollercoaster of trying, waiting, testing, and grieving can leave you feeling physically exhausted and emotionally drained. And it’s not just the treatments — though those are no walk in the park. It's the emotional whiplash of high stakes and no guarantees.

BetterHelp is the world’s most trusted online therapy platform – with over a decade of experience matching millions of clients to licensed therapists. It provides a fast, reliable, and affordable way to prioritize your mental health – from wherever you are.

“There is a profound sense of disempowerment,” explains Melissa Hummelt, LPCC and Senior Clinical Operations Manager at BetterHelp. “People navigating infertility often feel as though their bodies have failed them or that they are stuck in ongoing cycles of hope and disappointment.”

She adds, “Unlike other forms of loss that are more publicly acknowledged — like a death or divorce — infertility is often an invisible grief. Shame, secrecy, and social expectations make it even harder to process.”

Why social situations can make it worse

Let’s not forget the cultural layer. Infertility can feel even more isolating because of how society responds to it — or doesn’t. You’re surrounded by pregnancy announcements, baby photos, and casual “when are you having kids?” questions from well-meaning relatives.

And then there is the unsolicited advice:

“Just relax, it’ll happen.”

“Have you tried yoga?”

“It’ll happen when it’s supposed to!”

While these comments are meant to comfort, they can feel invalidating — or worse, like blame. Stress doesn’t cause infertility — but infertility definitely causes stress. And navigating it with little support can make it all the more overwhelming.

woman seeing a therapist for infertility depression

How to cope and protect your mental health

You don’t have to go through this alone. Here are some ways to take care of your emotional well-being while navigating infertility:

1. Give yourself permission to grieve

Infertility is a form of loss — even if others don’t see it that way. Let yourself feel the anger, sadness, and frustration without guilt. You’re grieving something real.

2. Talk to a therapist

Mental health support can make all the difference. A therapist, especially one who understands reproductive mental health, can help you untangle painful emotions and build resilience.

3. Find your people

Seek out infertility support groups — online or in-person. Connecting with others who “get it” can help ease the loneliness and reduce feelings of isolation.

4. Set boundaries

It’s okay to say no to events or conversations that feel triggering. A simple “I’d rather not talk about that right now” can be a powerful way to protect your peace.

5. Explore all options — at your pace

There’s no one right way forward. Whether you pursue IVF, surrogacy, adoption, or choose to live child-free, your path is valid. If decision-making feels overwhelming, a reproductive counselor can help guide you.

woman struggling with infertility depression

You are not alone

At the end of the day, infertility depression is real, and it deserves to be talked about. You’re not weak for feeling broken. You’re not selfish for struggling to be happy for others. And most importantly, you’re not alone. If you’re in the thick of it, know that your feelings are valid, your pain is recognized, and support is out there.

Emmy Hayes Condon is a creative strategist and freelance copywriter. She has a diverse portfolio across Fortune 50 healthcare brands, FemTech startups, and independent beauty brands. On her journey of connecting the dots of wellness, she has launched her project, The Wellness Department, to explore all areas of holistic wellness, beauty, and health. She resides in Austin, Texas, with her husband and rescue mutt Grace, and enjoys “romantasy” books, current event podcasts, and learning how to perfect a classic caesar salad.